Feeling Unworthy?

Life is crazy busy for us. A church flock to love and lead, a six month old to care for, a new house to make a home, a marriage to nurture, families to stay connected to, new friendships to cultivate, and precious friendships that span numerous miles to keep thriving.

Unfortunately, my flesh longs to appease every person God places along my path and meet every.single.expectation placed upon me. It is definitely not my best quality but an ever-present struggle in my life. Attempting to earn the love of God and those around me is beyond exhausting.

And just when my feelings of inadequacy begin to overtake my thoughts, the Word of God breathes life into my weary soul…

- Moses was marked by a severe speech impediment.

- Noah was 500 years old when he built the ark.

- Ruth was a widowed outcast.

- Paul killed Christians.

- David was an adulterer who committed murder AND was overlooked by his
own earthly father when he gave consideration to which son could become king.

- Gideon was a scared coward.

- The twelve disciples were less than perfect and often doubted Jesus, even
though He lived among them.

- Sarah bore a child in her ripe old age after doubting God would ever knit life
together in her womb.

- My own SAVIOR was born to a young girl and a carpenter in a stable surrounded
by animals.

I’m forever grateful to serve a God who chooses to use His imperfect followers. If God could use these seemingly useless characters in the Bible, then watch out world, because He will continue a mighty work through those of us who feel completely unworthy.

If God is for us, then who can be against us?
Romans 8:31

3 Years Later...

After J proposed on November 17, 2008, we set out to plan a worship service to honor the Lord and join our hearts together in marriage.

I am forever grateful to my mom, an event coordinator at heart, who helped me see every single detail that had to be planned, laughed with me until we cried many times, and made it such an enjoyable experience. I love you, Daddy, and will always be grateful you set the standard so high for how my husband would love me. You will always be the first man I ever loved!

We spent the Friday before finalizing the details, loving on family and friends, rehearsing for the big day, and reminiscing at the rehearsal dinner.

Saturday morning FINALLY came and after getting ready at a sketch hotel, my girls and I headed to LaGrange for the bridesmaid’s breakfast, hair appointments, and a trip to Wal-Mart. While all of this was happening, J and his boys were shooting skeet in LG.

While J and I were enjoying the day with our family and friends, a precious friend from church, who is a decorating genius, was putting the final touches on decorations for the ceremony and reception while my talented aunt was busy putting the flowers together.

J and I chose to see each other before the wedding, so when the moment we had reverently prayed for finally came, my heart was beating out of control. It was a moment filled with tears, smiles, laughter, and praises to our Heavenly Father.

The next several hours were spent taking pictures, laughing with our wedding party, and waiting on 5:30pm to finally arrive.

Two things I will forever cherish about our wedding:
1. J composed the piece the musicians played as my Dad walked me down the aisle.
2. My veil was handmade from my grandmother’s wedding dress. Mammy and Pappy enjoyed fifty years of marriage, loved the Lord and His church, raised four children, and spoiled nine grandchildren. What a legacy!

After a wedding reception filled with music, yummy food, a coffee bar, and sweet family and friends, it was time to say goodbye.

Three years into our marriage, we have added a baby, moved four times, and made incredible memories together. What a blessing that God has chosen us to experience a journey that represents His love relationship with the church!

“I have found the one whom my soul loves.” Song of Songs 3:4

*Photo Credit: Daniel Menacher

10 Things I Have Learned About Parenting…

1. Watching your husband become a father will only multiply your love and admiration for him. There is no sound sweeter than M and J playing together.

2. When you think you have nothing else left to give, you just dig deeper than you ever have before, and find more love and compassion to bestow, even when you have only slept for three hour increments throughout the night.

3. A little bit of air freshener goes a long way when changing a poopy diaper.

4. And since we are on the subject of poop…celebrating a poopy diaper with your husband takes the relationship to a whole new level.

5. Putting M on a schedule from day 1 was more for my sanity than anything else. A happy mom means a happy baby!

6. Murphy’s Law of Naps states that a baby WILL wake up if you decide to shower during nap time.

7. One has not fully lived until you instinctively catch throw up in your hand to protect whatever piece of furniture or toy the baby happens to be enjoying at that moment.

8. Becoming a mother only makes you appreciate, respect, and love your own mom more than you ever thought possible.

9. The Lord will teach you some of the hardest yet sweetest lessons about your own life through the little bundle of joy.

10. It is the toughest, sweetest, most challenging job in the world that I would not exchange for any other blessing.

Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to be a mom. Love my M!

Forgiveness…

Last Sunday, I listened to an intriguing sermon by Dr. Stewart Sims on the scary and often times ignored concept of forgiveness. I walked away feeling a bit intimated yet challenged. Forgiveness is not really my forte as I am filled with a ridiculous amount of selfishness and my heart is entirely too self-centered but I serve a Lord who loves me far too much to leave me in such a lifeless place. Choosing bitterness over forgiveness equals death. Dr. Sims made the clear connection between forgiveness and life. I choose life. I choose to die to my selfish ways, to cling to the cross where love and forgiveness flow freely, and to be merciful so that I may be shown the mercy I so desperately need.

“Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.” Matthew 5:7

Forgiveness is a command. The amount of forgiveness God has shown my sinful heart at the foot of the cross is far more than any amount of forgiveness He will ask me to bestow on others. Thank you, Dr. Sims, for that reality check.

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to give others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15 NLT

perfectly us...

Big, comfy chair + a decaf caramel macchiato + my favorite quilt = ready to blog!

After almost two years of being married, I have decided it is time to write down our story. It is perfectly us.

Summer of 2008: I worked as a Children’s Ministry Intern and J came as the new Associate Minister of music. The church secretaries worked quite diligently to convince the two of us there was a love connection.

August 2008: They finally succeed when both J and I accompanied the youth group to a Braves Game the night before I left for a mission trip to Canada.

This would be the night he asked for my number and I received numerous funny, encouraging, and crazy text messages and phone calls during my mission trip to Canada.

Next, he came home for dinner with my family which consisted of a game of Apples to Apples and my parents mother convinced him to join us for my surprise 21 birthday party at the lake house.

our first picture together

This would be the night Dad's boat almost sank and J earned his place in the family by helping the boys save the beloved boat.

September 2008: J and I flew home to Deland, FL to spend the weekend with his family. First time J spoke those three really important words to me: i love you. Sweet memories.

October 2008: For my 21st birthday, J bought me tickets to see Wicked at the Fox. Such a fun night.

October was also the month that God confirmed that marriage was in our future. Crazy. Lots of time in prayer along with recieving a blessing from both sets of parents and some very important friends meant J started planning the proposal and he went ring shopping with my mom. 

November 17, 2008: Operation Proposal

Proposal: LaGrange College Park

After Party: The Warehouse at FBC

TSFs

With just eight months before I became Mrs. Spencer, the days were filled with sweet memories of wedding planning with my mom, attending seven wedding showers (so blessed!), a beach trip with my girls, and fun times with J as we prepared for marriage. Some of my favorite memories!

Coming up next: Wedding Post!



Numbered Days

Life. Death. Legacy. Kingdom Ministry. Random, I know, but in my mind each of these are closely related. The death of person, young or old, sick or healthy, is never easy for me to process. Yes, I believe God is sovereign and He has numbered each of our days, and though I will never fully understand His ways this side of heaven, I trust His perfect wisdom. Watching people I love deal with grief is heart wrenching, yet, it makes me ponder how I shall live out my numbered days. Are we called to live like we are dying? If so, what does that even look like? I have this desire to spend all of my time cultivating relationships with the lost, sharing the perfect love of my Savior, and learning more about my Savior while spending time among the Saints. But, the other things of life seem to stand as distractions to these. And what about our legacy? When my time in this world ends, do I want people to speak of my clean house, or my clothes, or any other earthly idea? No, I want them to speak of my imperfect love for my perfect Savior, my devotion to my husband, my time in Kingdom Ministry not just merely church ministry, and my imperfect way of loving those God put in my life. I want them speak of my perfect God. Unfortunately, I devote the majority of my time to school work, e-mail, facebook, cleaning my house, church ministry, and so on. When I finally see my Savior face-to-face I long to hear these words, “well done, my good and faithful servant.” Whatever my remaining days look like, I will live with Philippians 1:21 in mind.

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. “ Philippians 1:21

*This entry was written on 4-1-2010*

God's Perfection vs. My Imperfection

My desire for perfection often stands more as a hindrance opposed to being a help in my life. I can often accept other’s shortcomings easier than my own, yet, I am gaining a bit of understanding into why our Heavenly Father created us as imperfect beings. J asked for my hand in marriage in November and I set about to plan the most perfect wedding day in just eight months. It was my desire to give J and our precious family the most perfect marriage celebration known to man. During this journey the Lord revealed many life lessons to me, especially in my pursuit of perfection. Despite my efforts, our journey to July 11, 2009 was not perfect by worldly standards,but our day came, and the Lord was honored, two families were brought together, and our marriage was sealed. Yes, we did not pack for our honeymoon until almost 11pm on the night before our wedding, my mother, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and myself spent the entire Friday morning before our wedding ironing every tablecloth that would be used at the reception, J’s family stayed at our house the weekend of the wedding so we played host and hostess along with being the bride and groom, and my girls and I spent the night at a sketch hotel on the night before my big day, but I learned valuable lessons I will never forget. By Friday night or more like early Saturday morning, I was exhausted in my pursuit of perfection, but the Lord honored my desire to give J and our family and friends a Godly wedding celebration, and Saturday was absolutely perfect for us. Without a doubt, it was the day we had reverently prayed for and we saw firsthand the Lord honor our desire to come together as one. No matter how much I long for perfection here on earth, my goal will never be met, so I am continuously learning to take a deep breath, accept imperfection, and watch my Heavenly Father bless my life in ways I will never deserve. Each time I look at our wedding album or watch the video footage from that day, I am reminded that while I will never reach perfection this side of heaven, our Heavenly Father longs to bless my imperfect being. Along with the wedding day of my dreams, God gave me a faithful family consisting of Godly parents and in-laws whom I would not trade for the world. So the reoccurring lesson here is to embrace my imperfections as they continually allow me to see my immense need for a perfect God.

Precious Lord, I am daily learning to trust you more as I let go of my own desires to gain a better understanding of your plans for my life. I stand in awe of the perfect love your pour down on my imperfect self, and while I feel so unworthy, I gladly accept it.

Psalm 100:3 Know that the LORD is God. It is He who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

*This entry was written on 2-2-2010*