Thursday, March 7, 2013


I clearly remember the day that doctors confirmed there was indeed life being knit together in my womb. My heart was immediately filled with sheer excitement and a touch of anxiety knowing that my life would be forever changed. The days following that life-altering appointment were filled with sharing our big announcement with those we love most.

Several important people in my life said the exact same phrase upon finding our exciting news...”This child will forever change your life.” Duh. I knew that sleeping would never again take such priority in my life and I would be forever responsible for getting two people ready instead of just myself. And while we are on the subject of fashion, I struggle with finding just one cute outfit for me to wear daily so the idea of now finding two outfits was a bit overwhelming. Pajama days are a huge blessing around my house...amen! A year and nine months into this journey of motherhood, I’m beginning to understand the depth of that statement….”This child will forever change your life.”

No one could have ever explained to me that on February 14 at 7:02pm my heart would take up residence outside of my body. M’s life has left me astoundingly vulnerable because I take his joy, sadness, and every emotion in between so personally. I have never prayed over someone with such diligence and intensity before this child became mine. I pray that he will grow to love the things of the Lord, for God’s protection to follow him all of his days, that his future wife will be madly in love with Jesus, that the manners I attempt to daily teach him will eventually take root in his mind and heart, and for his life to make a difference in the Kingdom of God. Oh, yes, this child has forever changed my life. Every tragedy I see on the news or hear about from a friend makes my heart momentarily stop because what if that was my child. My heart knows no greater joy than watching him experience something for first time or the belly laugh that ensues when his Daddy walks thru the door after a long day at work. I never knew someone so small and innocent would make me doubt my every decision. Although I have loved my parents for 20-something years, this little being makes me appreciate them more than ever.

As I listen to friends chat about their desire to love a child as their own or when that exciting phone call comes to share the news that a dear friend has finally gotten the miracle she has prayed for my heart merely whispers, “this child will forever change your life.” What a beautiful yet exhausting calling motherhood is for many but with each passing day and milestone, I'm realizing the truth of just how incredibly much this child has already changed my life.

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