Saturday, October 30, 2010

Numbered Days

Life. Death. Legacy. Kingdom Ministry. Random, I know, but in my mind each of these are closely related. The death of person, young or old, sick or healthy, is never easy for me to process. Yes, I believe God is sovereign and He has numbered each of our days, and though I will never fully understand His ways this side of heaven, I trust His perfect wisdom. Watching people I love deal with grief is heart wrenching, yet, it makes me ponder how I shall live out my numbered days. Are we called to live like we are dying? If so, what does that even look like? I have this desire to spend all of my time cultivating relationships with the lost, sharing the perfect love of my Savior, and learning more about my Savior while spending time among the Saints. But, the other things of life seem to stand as distractions to these. And what about our legacy? When my time in this world ends, do I want people to speak of my clean house, or my clothes, or any other earthly idea? No, I want them to speak of my imperfect love for my perfect Savior, my devotion to my husband, my time in Kingdom Ministry not just merely church ministry, and my imperfect way of loving those God put in my life. I want them speak of my perfect God. Unfortunately, I devote the majority of my time to school work, e-mail, facebook, cleaning my house, church ministry, and so on. When I finally see my Savior face-to-face I long to hear these words, “well done, my good and faithful servant.” Whatever my remaining days look like, I will live with Philippians 1:21 in mind.

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. “ Philippians 1:21

*This entry was written on 4-1-2010*

God's Perfection vs. My Imperfection

My desire for perfection often stands more as a hindrance opposed to being a help in my life. I can often accept other’s shortcomings easier than my own, yet, I am gaining a bit of understanding into why our Heavenly Father created us as imperfect beings. J asked for my hand in marriage in November and I set about to plan the most perfect wedding day in just eight months. It was my desire to give J and our precious family the most perfect marriage celebration known to man. During this journey the Lord revealed many life lessons to me, especially in my pursuit of perfection. Despite my efforts, our journey to July 11, 2009 was not perfect by worldly standards,but our day came, and the Lord was honored, two families were brought together, and our marriage was sealed. Yes, we did not pack for our honeymoon until almost 11pm on the night before our wedding, my mother, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and myself spent the entire Friday morning before our wedding ironing every tablecloth that would be used at the reception, J’s family stayed at our house the weekend of the wedding so we played host and hostess along with being the bride and groom, and my girls and I spent the night at a sketch hotel on the night before my big day, but I learned valuable lessons I will never forget. By Friday night or more like early Saturday morning, I was exhausted in my pursuit of perfection, but the Lord honored my desire to give J and our family and friends a Godly wedding celebration, and Saturday was absolutely perfect for us. Without a doubt, it was the day we had reverently prayed for and we saw firsthand the Lord honor our desire to come together as one. No matter how much I long for perfection here on earth, my goal will never be met, so I am continuously learning to take a deep breath, accept imperfection, and watch my Heavenly Father bless my life in ways I will never deserve. Each time I look at our wedding album or watch the video footage from that day, I am reminded that while I will never reach perfection this side of heaven, our Heavenly Father longs to bless my imperfect being. Along with the wedding day of my dreams, God gave me a faithful family consisting of Godly parents and in-laws whom I would not trade for the world. So the reoccurring lesson here is to embrace my imperfections as they continually allow me to see my immense need for a perfect God.

Precious Lord, I am daily learning to trust you more as I let go of my own desires to gain a better understanding of your plans for my life. I stand in awe of the perfect love your pour down on my imperfect self, and while I feel so unworthy, I gladly accept it.

Psalm 100:3 Know that the LORD is God. It is He who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

*This entry was written on 2-2-2010*

The Journey from Bride to Wife

Today J and I celebrate 203 days of marriage and yet I realize I am still becoming a wife. After sealing our love before friends and family on July 11, 2009, I wore the title of wife with pride yet I knew very little about being one. Yes, I was a glowing bride, but the road to becoming a wife is an on-going journey that I had just begun on that precious day. My first moments as a wife came when we made our first big and difficult decision together and when we packed up our home to move hours away from everything that was comfortable to us. It also came in the small moments when I stood in line at the Driver Services office to upgrade my license with my new last name and when I ordered my first box of checks that proudly proclaimed not only my new last name but also my husband’s name to signify my first ever joint-checking account. Or the many times I admitted my faults in our communication struggles and strived to improve and the times I slaved in a kitchen to ensure my husband came home to a full meal cooked with love. Then there are the times I find myself overtaken with pride for the man of God I married as he leads our flock in pure worship of the Lord. My journey to becoming a wife will continue when I become a mother and he a father and when we face the difficult times of saying goodbye to those whom we love immensely. It will continue with the daily challenges of grocery shopping, doing laundry, leading and loving those in our flock here in Hartwell, and so on. Yes, I am 203 days into my journey of becoming a wife and I understand better now than ever, that it is not merely an experience or a moment that makes a woman a wife, but instead it comes through walking the daily journey.

Lord continue to lead me on this lifelong journey of becoming a Godly wife. It is my desire to lead the life of a Godly woman and wife through every stage of life.

*This entry was written on 1-30-2010*


Today as I was leaving the church, I drove past our AO House and was astounded to see the huge crowd gathered around the door in hopes of finding food, clothes, and other personal items. I know of the huge need our society is facing due to these tough economic times, but nonetheless, seeing this crowd formed of many races and ages pulled on my heart a little more than usual today. My experience this morning and the holiday season has urged me to take a step back, count my blessings, and offer thanks to a holy God who has given me much more than I deserve.

Here are just a few of things I am thankful for:
1. A Heavenly Father who covers me in his perfect love even though I deserve none of it
2. A handsome, witty, intelligent husband who serves as the spiritual leader of our home
3. A mom and dad who offer consistent love and support through life's journey
4. In-laws who love me as one of their own and offer their consistent support through life's journey
5. Hilarious brothers who bring such joy to my life
6. Precious brother-in-laws and sister-in-laws, especially John's sister, who is like the sister I never had
7. Sweet TSFs who understand me better than any other friend, despite the distance that separates us
8. A giving church family that functions as the body of Christ
9. Nieces and Nephews and shopping for their Christmas presents - love it!
10. A comfortable bed to sleep in and wonderful pillow to lay my head on
11. Our home
12. The lake house and the wonderful memories made there
13. Two working cars that are paid for
14. Our trip to the aquarium and ice skating plan for tomorrow and sweet memories made with J

Thank you Almighty God for the many, many, many blessing you have given me despite my sinful ways. May I never take them for granted and always be mindful of the gracious love you have poured out on my life.

*This entry was written on 11-24-2009*

My Steps are Determined

"We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps."
Proverbs 16:9

Precious Lord, I am daily learning to set my plans aside and to trust your perfect ways. Thank you for determining my steps.